She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
