I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
