I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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