I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
