I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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