i need an iv and a liver transplant
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We got so high we made milksteak
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
