Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
as a side note pls kill me
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
