My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
