wakey wakey hands off snakey
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
