It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Holy shit dude........stairs
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