you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
