dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
