I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
