if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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