How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
