It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
