When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
