I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
