Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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