I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
