Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
