I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Farmville is her only friend.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
