i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
