it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
