I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
