"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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