11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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