is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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