I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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