Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
