I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
