I'd wear matching sweaters with you
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
