Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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