woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
