Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
