I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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