are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
