It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
pop tarts are not kleenex
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
