My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
