Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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