U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
