You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
