He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
