I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
