im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
