I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
