Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
