I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
