I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
