You made me cry and you don't even care
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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