Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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