he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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