i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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