i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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