I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize