I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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